A lesson from �Here I Am To Worship� Many of us have probably sung the famous Tim Hughes song �Here I Am To Worship� in our praise and worship sessions in church, in school CF, in camps and even in our own homes. And for those who have not, for the sake of sharing with you what I learnt, here are the lyrics: Light of the world You stepped down into darkness Opened my eyes, let me see Beauty that makes this heart adore You Hope of a life spent with You Chorus: Here I am to worship Here I am to bow down Here I am to say that You�re my God You�re altogether lovely You�re altogether worthy You�re altogether wonderful to me King of all days, o so highly exalted Glorious in heaven above Humbly You came to the earth You created All for our sake became poor Bridge: I�ll never know how much it cost To see my sins upon the cross Anyway, in my quite time (which I have not finished but I write now in order that I may not forget this precious lesson), as I sang this beautiful song, it occurred to me that there was something about the bridge that I had neglected. Have you ever wondered what it meant by ��never know how much it cost to see my sins upon the cross�? Will we ever know? I ended my song there. I realized that for some reason, I wasn�t really meaning what I sang. I had to ask God: how much did it really cost to see my sin upon the cross? I remember a few times where I�ve heard of people telling me that whenever we sin, we in essence nail Jesus to the cross. It is as if we take the hammer into our hands and take our turn to drive the inches-long nails into the cross. Or it is as if we drive nails into the feet of Jesus, or flog the Lamb of God with whips attached with bone and sharp shrapnel. As much as I do not dissent to this, I learned that our sin isn�t so much about nailing Christ to the cross. I believe that where it hurt the most, it was His heart, His spirit. All of us can take pain, whether it is as excruciating as Jesus had or less. I believe that what caused Him to suffer the most was not so much the physical sacrifice, but rather the spiritual turmoil that He underwent. Any martyr would tell you that the pain they went through, no matter how painful it may be was nothing considering the fact that God was with you and if you died, you�d be in heaven anyway. As Paul mentioned, �For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.� (Philippians 1:21). However, unlike any martyr, with whom God promised that He would never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5b), God turned His face away from Jesus. The spiritual state He was in while on that cross was total darkness. This once pure and holy man led Himself to the sacrifice as part and parcel of a mission: to take away the sins of the world. And to do that, He would have to �gather� all the sin; past, present and future and bring that to the cross. And because of that, God forsook Him. The words that rung so clearly in my mind as God revealed it to me was �My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?� (Mark 15:34) He was rejected, forsaken and God turned His face away from Him. Why? Because of all that sin that He carried in His heart. In that moment, Jesus� heart was full of filth, dirt, pornography, deception, lying, gluttony, murder, prostitution, death, ethnic cleansing, homosexuality and a host of immorality. God simply just could not look upon His Son. In that moment, Jesus took the hardest pain and sorrow: ultimate rejection from His Abba Father. He was alone. �I�ll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon the cross� I will still sing that song. But whenever I come to the lyrics at the bridge, I know that the hardest pain He went through was not so much the nails on His hands and feet or the pre-crucifixion flogging. It was deep down in the recesses of His very heart. Every time I sin, I make that heart darker and the darker it goes, the further God rejects Jesus. I will still never know how much it cost, because I am in no position to take His place, nor can anyone else on the face of this earth. But whenever I look upon Jesus, His crucifixion now takes on a greater meaning than before. The cost of our sins was that in that crucial moment, the turning point of the history of mankind, He was rejected. Whenever you sing this song or any other song of praise and worship to God, ensure very much that you take into heart the meaning of every word you sing. God has got more up His sleeve to reveal to you than just the words that come out of your mouth. �But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him and by His wounds we are healed.� Isaiah 53:5